Johnny turns 1!

JOHNNY TURNS 1!!!!

Dear Johnny,
What a blessing you have been...you are SO loved!! You will never know the joy that you brought into our lives when you were born. You came to our family at a time that our hearts were broken and hurting, but the excitement of meeting you helped us walk that journey a little easier.  Your brother welcomed you with open arms and was so excited to finally meet you.

My pregnancy with you was one that was a little challenging.  Between the hormones of pregnancy and the emotions of watching your Jiddu get more sick, there was nothing I could do to prepare for the roller coaster of this pregnancy.  When we found out we were pregnant with you, we could not have been more excited.  We were certain that this pregnancy would help give everyone in our family the extra energy to continue on the journey with my dad. This pregnancy was a good distraction for everyone, but also a constant reminder that God is in control and we can not change his plan.  I worked hard to take care of you, even when times got tough and all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and cry for days.  Looking back, I now realize that being pregnant is the reason I made it through Jiddu passing away.  Without you inside of me, I don't think I would have found the strength to keep moving forward.  I will forever be grateful for the blessing of carrying you inside of me for 40 weeks, and for being the reason I was able to continue my life without your Jiddu.  Your Jiddu was an amazing man, and losing him three weeks before you were born will never make sense to me, but I know that God's plan is bigger than anything we can imagine.

It has taken me a year to write your birth story.  I am not sure if it is because that time was so emotional, or if it finalizes some of the heart ache that Jiddu is not coming back.  Either way, bringing you into this world was one of the most emotional, painful, and empowering blessings I have ever experienced!!!!

During my pregnancy with you, I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  Because of this, I had to be closely monitored twice each week.  During Jiddu's last hospital stay, he was able to come to a sonogram appointment and see you on the 3D sonogram.  He thought it was amazing and when the nurse asked if we wanted to know your gender, he said he would wait.  During Jiddu's last week on Earth, we realized that he would not be here for you birth.  I sat down with him and asked if he would like to know your gender.  His response to this was, "I already know."  I am not sure how or when he figured it out, but he somehow had a way of knowing about you before we did :) On Jiddu's last day here, I told him that we would be OK.  I would take care of you the way that he had taken care of me my whole life.  Saying good bye to him was the absolute most difficult thing I have ever done, but I knew my job was to now love my boys the way he loved me!

During my last week of pregnancy, you were not showing that you were ready to come out yet. Dr. Ma agreed to let me know wait as long as I wanted for you as long as everything looked good.  On your due date,Thursday-August 27th, we met with the doctor and he said that I was progressing a little, but not much.  I said that I would like to wait it out, but he was going out of town that weekend.  This made me nervous because I had worked very closely with Dr. Ma and trusted him.  Because of this, I agreed to be induced on Friday night at 8:00.  During the night on Thursday, I was having contractions and could feel things moving along.

We got to the hospital after we said good night to Joseph.  They prepped me with an IV and started me on the Pitocin.  When we arrived at the hospital, I was already dilated to 3 cm.  We were very emotional and anxious and weren't really able to rest.  My mom arrived around 11:30 and was able to help us too.  By around 4:00, the contractions become much more intense and our Doula, Marcia, arrived.  I was able to move around and really didn't spend much time in the bed at all. I worked really hard to have you without any medication.  Towards the end, I was begging for medicine (and a C-section), but I knew I was close enough that I didn't need it.  The end seemed to take a long time because I was not fully dilated and was not progressing fast enough, or at least it didn't feel like that with each contraction.  Josh and Marcia were amazing at helping me through each contraction and working with me to find comfortable positions.  I was finally able to start pushing and it wasn't very long before you were born.

You were born on Saturday morning at 6:26am weighing in at 8lbs even. You made all the pain and hard work worth every second when you came right out and crawled up and latched for the first time.  You were a champ nursing from the minute you were born.  We were able to keep you with us the entire time we were at the hospital and we enjoyed every single snuggle!

This past year has been incredible.  You have been the inspiration I needed to keep going, and you somehow always know when to look at me and s
mile. Those early months were tough, especially in the middle of the night when all I could do was think about my dad, but having you to snuggle and nurse was what gave me the courage to keep going.

Watching you and Joseph grow together has been amazing! The love that you have for each other already is humbling.  We can't wait to see what life has in store for you and what you will bring to this world!  We love you to the moon and back sweet baby!!

Love,
Momma and Dadda