Introducing.....Joseph Michael Barra

JOSEPH MICHAEL BARRA
JULY 27, 2012 6:16 pm
8lbs 8 oz 19 1/2 inches

Well, we have finally met our little miracle.  It is amazing how much life has changed for us in the last 3 weeks.  There are no words to describe the emotions we have felt since Joseph arrived.  We are so blessed to have a baby to hold.  The last three weeks have been a blur, not only because of the sleepless nights, but also because this is such a busy time with my family.  Joseph was born the day before my cousin's wedding, and for those of you who know about Lebanese weddings, this was a crazy time for my family. I obviously was unable to attend the wedding, but Joseph, Josh and I celebrated by staying up all night for them in our hospital room on Saturday :)

OK, so how did Joseph make his appearance?  Here is the time line of how things happened:

• Thursday, July 26th: I had gone to bed around 10:00 and said to Josh that I didn't feel very good.  I didn't know what was wrong, but I just felt sick.  He said it was probably from the heat and that I had worn myself out running around all day.  I woke up about an hour later and went to the restroom.  On my way back to the bedroom I felt my water break and I loudly said "uh oh."  This woke Josh up, and he yelled WHAT?  I said I thought my water broke, but I wasn't sure.  We waited a few minutes and then it was clear that my water had broken and the contractions started immediately.  I knew we had some time before we needed to get to the hospital, so I took a shower and cleaned up the house a bit. Josh did not like waiting around and didn't like that my contractions were increasing in intensity and we were still "cleaning."  We finally headed to the hospital around 12:30 and called our parents to let them know.
• Friday, July 28th:  Once we got to the hospital, my contractions were only a few minutes apart, but they were short-only about 30-45 seconds.  Unfortunately, I had gone to Old Chicago for dinner with Josh's parents and that food did not settle very well in my stomach.  For about 4 hours, I was dealing with the contractions and the getting rid of everything in my stomach.  I had intended to try and hold off on the epidural as long as possible, but by this point I was so exhausted from the constant contractions and the vomiting, that I gave in and got the epidural.  I would be very glad I got it later because labor lasted 19 hours.

Josh trying to comfort me during labor

• Friday, late morning: Once I got the epidural, things progressed normally.  I was dilating about a centimeter per hour and was on track to have the baby around noon.  Well, Joseph had another idea and decided at the last minute he wasn't ready :)  Once I got to 9 centimeters, everything stopped progressing. I was at 9 centimeters for 4 1/2 hours before they finally decided to give me Potocin to help move things along.  Once I got the Potocin, there was no stopping Joseph from coming out.  I was lucky enough to only have to push for about an hour.  Joseph arrived at 6:16 pm and our lives have never been the same since.

The first few days with Joseph are a blur.  Actually, the first few weeks have been a blur.  I knew we would be overwhelmed with emotion, but I don't think I was nearly as prepared for all the feelings I would have.  From exhaustion to anxiousness to unconditional love....every minute brought a new feeling.  I also think the hormones running through my body didn't help the emotional reactions :)

The first few weeks were difficult because we were having some feeding issues.  Joseph would not latch to me, so we ended up having to finger feed him first with a tube and then a syringe. Last week he did latch, so we are working on figuring out the whole breastfeeding thing now.  He is a very smart kid because he knows it is easier to get his food from a bottle than it is from the breast :)

We are finally settling into having a newborn.  The lack of sleep does make me kind of cranky, but Josh has been phenomenal with working with Joseph and dealing with my craziness.  I am so blessed to have a husband who thinks of himself as an equal in the parenting business and really steps up to help make the transition to parenthood smooth.  Josh is not scared of Joseph's crying or his poopy diapers.  It is so neat to hear Josh talk to Joseph about sports, cars, and other "boy" things.  It will be great to watch him grow up and learn about so many things.

Well Joseph....we finally got to meet you and we will thank God for the rest of our lives that you are our son. You are already amazing in so many ways and we pray that everyone gets to experience the joys you have brought into our lives!

 

Heat, what heat? :)

Well, we are officially full term and ready to go anytime. The question everyone asks me..."How are you holding up in this heat?"  My response is always, "Heat, what heat?" :)  I try not to complain about the heat because Josh works in the heat everyday, and he never complains.  Honestly though, the heat hasn't been too bad for me. I am able to go to the garden early in the morning when it is cooler out and then I can spend most of my time in the air conditioning.  My feet do not like the heat, but the swelling usually goes away by the time I wake up in the morning.
We now have weekly appointments and things have been good. At my appointment on July 2nd, we had a sonogram and my fluid levels appeared to be lower than they had been.  The doctor discussed with us the possibility of being induced if my levels dropped any lower.  I was told to continue to monitor the baby's movements and let them know if anything changed. On Saturday July 7th, I had to take my Type 75 certification exam...this is the exam for the principal program I am finishing up at Bradley.  During the exam, I wasn't really feeling the baby moving and I assumed it was just because I was nervous and anxious for the test.  When I got home, I tried to do some kick counts, and the baby just wasn't wanting to move much.  We waited a couple hours, and then finally decided to go to the hospital and make sure everything was OK.  Everything ended up being perfectly fine, thank God! 

At my appointment last week I started to tear up while sitting in the waiting room thinking that this pregnancy is going to be over soon.  I have truly enjoyed this experience and feel so blessed to have come this far!  I pray with all my heart that we get to travel this journey again in the future, and I hope that the next time I can enjoy more of it and not live in fear for so long!  The appointment this week went great.  My fluid levels are fine (I think they may have been a misread by the doc last week) and the baby is growing very well.  They are saying the baby is measuring big, so we will have another sonogram on Monday to check growth and fluid levels. The sonographer almost slipped and said the gender, but luckily she caught herself. The doctor also checked me and said that we are progressing very well. We go back on Monday for another check and to see how I am moving along :)

Well, we continue on this journey to meeting Baby Barra.  Never in my entire life did I imagine how consuming a mother's love is for a child. The excitement between Josh and I is awesome.  We keep talking about how things are going to change, but I don't think we can even begin to assume what it will be like to bring home our miracle.  We continue to praise God for this miracle, and we pray every night for all our friends and family who want to start their own journeys.  Please keep praying for us and we will keep you posted on any new baby developments :) 

Below are the finished nursery pictures. We are waiting to paint some of the details with a gender specific color :)

This is the tree that Josh's cousin painted for us.  I can't wait to add the little animals in a fun color once baby arrives :)

This is the board above the baby's bed.  As soon as I saw this quote, I knew I wanted it in the nursery.

The joys of pregnancy :)

Well, things are still looking good and we are even closer to meeting Baby Barra.  We had an appointment last week and everything was progressing nicely.  The doctor even said to me, "I am surprised at how well you are doing."  He said that he expected I would be on bed rest or have had other complications.  I told him that we have God on our side :) 

We have about 4  weeks left until our due date and I think I am in complete shock that this is actually happening :)  In the beginning we were in disbelief that we had a positive pregnancy test, in the middle of all of this I think I was still holding my breath waiting for someone to say "just kidding" and now at the end I think it has finally sunk in that we are going to be parents in just a few short weeks :)  We are so excited to meet Baby Barra and I pray for God to give me the strength and confidence to be able to handle a newborn child.Well, we have weekly appointments now and we get another sonogram next week.

Pregnancy for me has been so amazing.  There is a reason it takes 40 weeks for a baby to arrive--there are many lessons that need to be learned in that time.  The first lesson I have learned while being pregnant and preparing for Baby Barra is that it is not about me! I guess this is the lesson all parents should learn before their baby's arrive. Josh and I make decisions now with the baby in mind.  Even in the simple decisions I have to think about the baby and not necessarily what I want...this is sometimes hard when all I want to eat is ice cream :)  I have worked very hard throughout this entire pregnancy to remember that the baby is counting on me to provide it with the safest and healthiest oven to bake in :)

We wanted to get pictures taken to help us remember this exciting time.  Laura is a friend of ours who has recently started a photography business called Maple Seeds Photography.  It was nice to get pictures taken with someone we knew.  She did a fantastic job of helping capture our excitement :)

I pray that everything continues to progress nicely and we meet Baby Barra soon.  We continue to pray every day for everyone out there who want to be parents!!!

Getting Closer!!!!!

Wow! It is really starting to hit me that we are coming to the end of this amazing journey! To think that we only have 6 1/2 weeks left is so crazy.  I am not sure I can say that I have enjoyed every second because I feel like we have lived in fear for most of this journey, but I will say that I have tried to appreciate every second!!!!! 

We had a sonogram last week and everything looked great.  The doctor was very pleased with the baby's growth and said that he/she is estimated to weigh about 5 lbs.  That was a huge jump from the last sonogram, so hopefully the growth continues at a steady pace.  I am almost finished with work which will be nice so that I can finally get things ready around the house and maybe put my feet up a little before baby arrives :)

Last weekend was also my baby shower for my mom's side of the family.  It was such a great way to celebrate Baby Barra, and it is was great to be able to finally thank everyone for all the support and prayers. We held the shower at my cousin Guitta's house and the weather ended up being perfect (minus the scary storm clouds in the pictures below).  It stormed all around us, but we only had to deal with a few sprinkles...thank God because it would have been difficult to move 75 people that quickly :)

Well, we go back to the doctor next week.  It is so exciting knowing that we will get to meet our little one sooner than later, and that if something were to happen to require us to deliver, we are at a safe point now.  Please continue to pray for us, and we will continue to pray for everyone to experience the joys that we have been blessed with!

The storm clouds rolling past us :)



Tania made this diaper cake



Josh was such a trooper

Me, My mom, and Guitta

My parents dancing :)

"Even miracles take a little time." ~Cinderella

If I had to pick one word to describe this journey so far, it would be surreal.  Every time I let myself remember what life was like for us a year ago, I am reminded that "even miracles take a little time" :) Mother's Day has been a bittersweet day for me these last couple years.  This year, Josh and I went to church and the priest prayed for all the mothers, the mothers to be, and all the women who are trying to be mothers.  It was so great of him to acknowledge how hard Mother's Day is for someone who wants nothing more than to be a mother.  Surprise, surprise....I started crying and I couldn't stop :)  This journey has been such a humbling experience for Josh and I, and I can only begin to imagine the joys we are going to have when our baby arrives!  There is nothing more that I want than for everyone who desires to become a parent to never give up hope that their parenting dreams will come true!


This was on Mother's Day

I have found on this journey that I wasn't as prepared as I thought.  Maybe my feelings are normal, or maybe they are just exaggerated because of all my hormones, but I think it is hard to feel 100% confident in how prepared we are for the future.  Josh and I have taken the child birthing classes, the breastfeeding classes, read many books, and asked our friends and family a million questions.  Having done all of that, I am not sure how much more prepared I feel :)  I am hoping the lessons and skills we have learned on this journey have prepared us as a couple to be the best parents we are capable of being.

We now go to the doctor every other week...which is a reality check of how close we are to meeting you!  It is so great to be able to feel your little (getting stronger) kicks and jabs.  Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking about what the future holds and you move all around in there reminding me to include you in those plans :)  I have said it before, and I will say it again --this journey has been difficult, but there is a reason for everything and I appreciate every step we took to get to meeting you!!!!!



This was at one of my baby showers with my mom and Josh's mom

We are so blessed to have many friends and family who have helped with all the preparations for your arrival.  Grandma Judy helped me plant all my flower pots because I couldn't bring you home without pretty flowers to look at.  Tayta planted my garden for me so that we can hopefully continue eating healthy and make you as strong as possible :)  It has been very difficult asking for help, but I made a promise to you in the beginning that I would never do anything to put you at risk.  Other than getting stuck because I think I can fit in small places, I think I have done a great job of being cautious and taking good care of you in there :)

The nursery is about finished.  I have to admit that I plan to change all the bedding once I know if you are a boy or girl.  My mom has agreed to help make a new set once you arrive, and she understands my need to have something really girly if you are a girl, or something a little more fun if you are a boy :)  Other than that, Josh's cousin Michelle did an amazing job on painting the tree and the quote above your crib.  I spend a lot of time in your nursery, and I can't wait to share it with you!



These are the stripes Josh painted.  The bear was a gift from Josh's mom...it is taller than I am :)

This is the adorable tree that Josh's cousin Michelle painted for us. Once we have the baby, she is going to come back and add some animals to the tree in the color that matches the new bedding :)

Well, 8 1/2 more weeks and we pray that we will start a new journey as a family of 3. Our excitement and prayers continue to grow every day for your safe arrival!  As always, we continue to pray for everyone who is trying to conceive that God grants them the opportunity to experience the joys we are!

Hello 3rd trimester

Well, our journey is getting closer to when we get to meet you :) It is crazy to think that we only have about 12 weeks left on this journey.  I continue to thank God every morning for another day, and now I am starting to feel so excited for the day we get to see you.

We had an appointment last week and the doctor said all was well.  We had a sonogram and baby is measuring normal and everything looked great.  The heartbeat was 149, so you can take your guess as to boy or girl.  I was worried about being "flashed" by the baby during the sonogram, but luckily the legs were crossed in the beginning and then the sonographer never back to that region, even though the baby had uncrossed its legs.  I have a strong feeling that it is a girl, but I guess we will all have to wait to find out.  It is so exciting to know that we have such a big surprise at the end of this journey :)

When we started this blog, we had 2 intentions--to document this exciting journey and to share our experiences thinking we could possibly give someone hope that miracles do happen.  I am not sure how well we have documented this journey, but I know that we have helped others struggling on their own journeys. It has been so nice to hear from some of our friends that our blog has helped them continue and have faith.

 Last week was infertility awareness week, and I think one of my personal goals has been to help educate people on how to support their friends and family who are struggling with infertility. In the beginning, this journey was very lonely.  Josh and I both work in places with many young families, therefore we were always surrounded by pregnancy and babies.  It was hard to not feel isolated at times because we weren't sure how we fit in.  I hope and pray that we can be a support to anyone else who may be struggling with infertility.  One lesson I think everyone should learn: Never assume a couple is not trying to conceive, so NEVER ask, "When are you going to have kids."

This journey is nothing like I expected, but it wouldn't be our lives if it could be expected :)  I am so grateful for an amazing husband and supportive family to be cheering for our baby, and I am truly starting to feel the anticipation of meeting our little miracle.  We continue to pray daily in thanksgiving for this miracle, and in hopes for our friends and family who want to have a child. 

So, Baby Barra, we are counting the days until your arrival and we hope you already feel the extraordinary love we have for you.

This is actually happening!

Our journey to meeting you continues....every day I thank God for being one day closer to meeting you!  These last few weeks have been a lot of fun because I have really started to feel the baby kick, we have begun working on the nursery, and the excitement is finally starting to seem real :)  I also turned 30 last week, which is a crazy idea :)


Celebrating my 30th Birthday at 25 weeks pregnant

On this journey, there were many times that I wasn't sure where we were going.  As we celebrated my birthday last week, I had to think about what I imagined my life to look like at 30.  I can honestly say that at one point I imagined having several children by now, but I do trust that God knows what he is doing and there is a reason our journey has taught us so many life lessons.

This journey is definitely starting to feel more real, especially as my stomach grows and we feel the baby kick.  There are no words to describe the feeling of knowing our child is growing inside of me, and in a few months, we will get to meet this little miracle!  Every time I feel a kick, I pray to God that he blesses all our friends and family who are still waiting for their own miracles.  As much fun as this has been, it is hard to truly embrace it because I will never forget what it feels like to be on the other side of the infertility journey.

A very exciting part of this journey has been to see Josh's excitement and anticipation for our baby.  He is so cute when he talks about what he is going teach our baby, or when he tries to force his music choices on the baby:)  I have to give Josh a lot of credit because he has really stepped up to all my "simple projects" that I have wanted to do. For some reason, these projects are never easy and usually take 5x as long to complete as I assume. 

Josh and Wahib preparing the walls for the stripes

We have been working very hard to get the nursery ready.  Josh has taken my challenge of painting stripes on the walls, and I have to say, I have never seen such straight and perfect stripes :)  The other night we put together the crib, and after it was finished, I started to cry.  Josh didn't realize I was crying at first, but when he did, he knew exactly why this was such an emotional step for me.  There were several times on this journey that I was convinced that we would never get the opportunity to decorate a nursery or build a crib together.  It was a very special moment that I will never forget!!!

This is Josh reminding me that it took 3 times to put the crib spring together because I kept reading the directions wrong :)

Well, our journey continues.  I have my glucose test next week and another sonogram.  I keep my fingers crossed that no one slips and tells us the sex of the baby :) I will admit, not finding out the sex has been so much harder than I ever imagined!  We continue to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy, and for everyone else who desires this joy to be as blessed as we are!

Halfway to Meeting You

Well, we are officially halfway on our journey to meeting you :)  It is amazing to me that 20 weeks have gone by already.  Before, when we were on this journey, 20 weeks wouldn't have seemed so significant.  I wake up every morning and thank God for another day, but I need to start appreciating every minute of every day because the rest of this time is going to fly by. I have felt the baby kick in the last couple of weeks, and it is fantastic! I finally feel like this is all really happening, and Josh kindly reminds me that it has been happening for 20 weeks.

One of the greatest struggles I have had on this journey is knowing what is "normal" and what should be concerning.  My theory is that I would rather be safe than sorry, and thankfully my doctor agrees :)  On Monday of this week, we had a little bit of a scare.  Thank God everything turned out OK, but it definitely helped put me back in my "everyday is a gift" mode.  As Josh always says, "If it was easy, it wouldn't be our life."

I have to admit, for a few seconds I was tempted to find out the sex, but I of course came to my senses :)  This journey is much more exciting for me because of the surprise waiting at the end.  Whats funny about this whole situation is that I hate surprises.  I like knowing everything, but I feel very good about our decision to wait :)

Last week was Baby B's first 5K run/walk.  I have not been able to run since I got pregnant, but it was great to participate in an organized race and I am sure baby loved it too.  The picture to the left is of all the lovely ladies that also did this race, and we decided to name ourselves the Royal Runners.


I remember when we were trying to concieve I would hear women complain about pregnancy, and I made a promise to myself that I would never complain if I was blessed to be pregnant.  I can tell you that it is definitely harder than I thought it would be, but pregnancy truly has been the most amazing experience of my life.  The way my body is changing and growing is interesting, and the natural progression of things are amazing.

The one thing about pregnancy that I knew about, but wasn't as prepared for was the fact that EVERYTHING I do affects the baby growing inside of me.  I have to think twice about everything I eat and drink so that I can be sure I am doing everything in my power to make Baby B as healthy as possible.  I have been eating healthier than I ever have in my entire life, but the worry is still there that I may be doing something wrong.  My grandma keeps reminding me that she didn't know all the things we do now about babies and all her children turned out wonderfully.  She is right :)

Well Baby B, we get more excited every day to meet you.  Like I have said before, this journey has been amazing and I can't wait to start a new journey with you.

We are having a......BABY :)

Well, our journey continues.  I think the realization that this whole thing might actually be real is starting to sink in.  Many times on this journey we prepared for the worst, and I have still struggled to break that habit.  We got to see the little one on Thursday during a scheduled sonogram.  It is amazing how much Baby B has grown.  Baby is measuring right on, and the heartbeat was 154.  I was prepared to be told something awful had happened, but all we heard were great things :) Our journey to meeting you is over another hurdle, and I am finally relaxing a little bit and enjoying this step in the process.  I made sure the sono lady knew that we, actually just I, didn't want to know the sex of the baby.  Josh and I made a deal...he gets to name the baby since I won't let him find out the sex.  I agreed, sort of :)

Something I had hoped would happen when I got pregnant was that I would finally feel like I belonged in conversations about babies, families, and pregnancies.  I am not sure why, but those conversations still make me uncomfortable.  I think about how many times I left the lunch table early because I had nothing to add to the conversation about kids, or how many times I would give Josh our secret signal and we would leave a party early because someone else announced a surprise pregnancy and it was difficult to hold back my tears.  Those are the emotions that I hoped I would forget, but somehow my body and mind have not let me. 

 I share all this because I think it is important for people to know that infertility is difficult in so many ways. I thank God every hour that he has blessed us with this miracle, but every time I look down and see my stomach growing, I think of the other women that are on their journeys and ask God to bless them. It is amazing how infertility can permanently scar you, but I try very hard for the infertility to not define us.  All of these feelings are why this journey has been so meaningful.

As my body continues to change, and my emotions rage out of control, I am trying to finish this journey with excitement.  My new approach will be to prepare for good news and not worry so much...at least that is what I will pray for patience for :)  Our family and friends have also shown their anticipation to meet Baby B, which again reinforces why we are so excited to bring a baby into our lives.  I have no doubt that our baby will be loved beyond belief, and that we will always have the support that we need to get through the bumps on this journey.  We continue to pray everyday for the strength to accept God's will and that our pregnancy continues to be healthy.

Are you sure?

I am the queen of asking...Are you sure? I thought it was funny to think back on all the times I have said those 3 words on this journey. The nurses and doctors that we have worked with have been phenomenal and I am so grateful that they have dealt with my craziness :) Thankfully our doctor is aware of everything we have been through and understands our need for constant reassurance (OK, maybe just my need sometimes) :)  I thank God that we found a great doctor and staff who are responsive to my nervous calls and always willing to answer my questions.

We had a doctor appointment on Thursday and everything was good. The doctor did not do a sonogram, even though I asked at least 5 times if he was sure we didn't need one.  He said that my pregnancy is "normal" now and he did not see a need at this appointment.  He did listen with the Doppler, and the baby's heartbeat was 159...which he said was great.  We go back in 3 weeks for a sonogram, and I guess we could find out the sex at that appointment, but we aren't. :)  I think I finally have Josh convinced that this will be a fun surprise and we don't need to find out.  Actually, I don't think he is convinced, but I think he realizes I may get the final say in this decision :)

I keep waiting for our luck to run out, but then I am reminded that its not luck that has gotten us this far. This journey has encouraged our relationship with God, and I know that it will only continue. Josh and I pray every night for the strength to accept God's will, and I know that we will accept whatever happens.  I can't say that I have let go of my consuming fears, but I think I am finally feeling a little more hopeful that this is actually happening. We continue to pray every night for everyone trying to conceive, and to help those feeling hopeless realize there is hope! Please continue to keep us in your prayers and we are thrilled to continue our journey to meeting our little one!

Fears and Facebook

I have to be honest, for many weeks I have been in denial.  I think my logic was that it would hurt less if I didn't get excited in case something happened to the baby and we lost him/her.  Once I came to reality and realized it was going to hurt the same no matter what I felt, I started to deal with the emotions that come from realizing "O wow, this may actually be happening."

During our first year of trying, I kept telling myself that it will happen and I just need to be patient.  During the 2nd year, I started to worry just a little more, but still had lots of hope.  By the 3rd year, the realization that we may never have a biological child started to sink in. Then during the 4th year, I started to convince myself that maybe I really didn't want to be a mom and that Josh and I would just choose to be childfree and become world travelers. Obviously in my heart, that is not what I really wanted, but it was easier to deal with the disappointment this way.  Anyone who knows Josh also knows that the word travel stresses him out, and we have already had too many encounters with airport security to think we would really become world travelers :)

When we started telling people I was pregnant, I was TERRIFIED!!! I am not sure if I thought I could jinx it, or if it was the thought of having to go back and tell them something bad had happened and we lost the baby.  Many people didn't understand why I wasn't enjoying this pregnancy to the fullest, or why I was living in fear.  When you have prepared for the worst, it is hard to accept the best :)

Well, it didn't happen exactly as planned, but I guess we are Facebook official :)  We had wanted to wait until our next doctor's appointment to make it official, but there was sort of a leak of some "pregnancy announcement" pictures and a lot of people saw them.  After that, I figured I might as well make the official post and share our new blog with everyone. Lesson learned--Josh may be right when he says that there is nothing private on Facepuke (yes, he calls it Facepuke :) and he hates it).

I guess it was a blessing in disguise because I am not sure I would ever feel comfortable making the announcement on Facebook, but the reaction of so many of our friends reassures us that we want a child to be a part of our very blessed lives!  We have amazing family and friends, so if God forbid something bad does happen, I know we will have the support we need to get through it.

Pregnancy after infertility is interesting (I couldn't think of a better word, even though I know there has to be one). We have made some great friends who were experiencing their own infertility journeys, and now those relationships are changing.  We dealt with this change when some of our own great friends got pregnant when we were still trying.  You feel happy for them, but at the time it was a reminder of what we still didn't have and hadn't been able to achieve. Looking back, I think those friends were a great source of hope, but I am not sure I saw it like that at the time.  I hope that our friends that are struggling to conceive can see that everyone's journey is different, and in the end everything happens on God's time.

I am obviously excited that we are having a baby, but I think it is important for people to remember that accepting this is more than just taking a pregnancy test and planning a nursery.  This pregnancy has been a constant reminder of what we have lost, but also a daily reminder of what we hope for in the end....to meet our child!

The Barra's are having a baby :)

Our journey to meeting you continues....The Barra's are pregnant :)  I can't believe I just typed those words knowing that people will read them...it seems so surreal!  Baby Barra is due to arrive at the end of July.

This has been such a long journey, and I am so excited for the months ahead, but the fear is still there.  My craziness has gotten much better in the last few weeks, but I still worry that something will go wrong and we will have to tell the world that once again things didn't work out.  I know this time is different...I feel it in my heart. I pray every night for the strength to accept God's will, and I know this is when my faith needs to be the strongest, but it is still hard to trust that everything will be OK.

I counted the other day and Josh and I had been trying to conceive for 50 months when we got pregnant...that is a long time in Lisa time :) Believe me, there were plenty of days when I had no hope, so I hope our struggles will give someone hope that it can still happen. The last 4 years have been long, but now I can see why the lessons we learned were necessary.

We are excited and we ask for continued prayers from all of our family and friends on this journey.  I can't wait to see your face and hold you! 

How our journey began....

OUR JOURNEY TO MEETING YOU....
Well, our journey to meeting you started on September 8, 2007 when I married Joshua Ross Barra, my most favorite person in the world.  Little did I know that we would fall more in more in love as time went on.  We had an amazing wedding day celebrated with our friends and family.  We knew from the beginning we wanted to be parents and so we started off on our journey right away.  Our first few years of marriage were filled with lots of fun and exciting times.  We enjoyed remodeling our house, traveling, and working on having a baby :).

At the end of our first year of marriage we hit a hurdle...My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Little did I know at the time that this would be a great motivator for us on this journey.  With the prayers of many, my mom fought that ugly beast and is now in full recovery.  This experience was a learning time for my entire family. We begun to appreciate the little things a little more, and it unfortunately was a wake up call for me to start appreciating how much my mom means to me.  I always knew that my mom would be my go-to when I had children, and the thought of her not being there with me was terrifying!  Her cancer was the push we needed to seek some extra help in having a baby, and so our medical journey and our prayer journey began.

Our journey to meeting you has been long, and without giving all the details, we have been through a lot emotionally, physically, and financially. We have angels in heaven that we have lost, but that Josh and I think about every day.  I can not say that I have no regrets because there are many things I look back on and wonder, "if only I would have done/known XYZ."  I know that God has a plan, and I pray every day for the strength to accept God's plan.  I always wonder though when I will understand why our journey had to be so long and painful, but then Josh reminds me that everything happens for a reason and we will find out soon enough.

There were many times on this journey when I wasn't sure how it would end, even though I knew clearly what I wanted in the end...a child.  There were many times I questioned my ability to be a parent, but then I remembered that is where my faith in God needs to show.  This journey has taught us to be reserved when it comes to celebrating, appreciative of help, and patient with each other.

This journey has turned me into a believer of soul mates because I am not sure anyone but God could have made a more perfect match.  Josh and I are complete opposites when it comes to many things, but I believe that is why we have made it through this journey and are only stronger because of it.  When I wanted to quit, he called me a quiter and told me to try again...when I wanted to shut out the world, he called my bluff and told me I can't live without answering my cell phone :)...and most importantly when I couldn't stand the pain and grief anymore, he found his faith in God and reminds me daily to find my faith.

My life would not be the same with out this journey, and I thank God for the lessons, people, and experiences I have gained through this.

Why we started this blog

I think it is important to explain why we wanted to share this blog with our family and friends.  Our intention is not to share our business with the world, but more to help others understand the journey people experience when dealing with infertility and miscarriage.  Many lessons were learned during our journey, and we hope others can learn from us. 

We also want to document this journey so the day we finally meet you, you will know that you are loved and were worth every step!!!  Some of these entries were taken from my personal journal that I have kept throught out the journey, but others are from every day happenings that I thought were worth noting.  I hope to keep this up throughout the rest of our journey, and maybe even after we finally meet you.