Happy Mother's Day to the all moms, soon to be moms, and the ones that want to be moms

Mother's Day....the day that I used to dread, not because I was upset with other mothers, but because the hole in my heart always felt deeper on Mother's Day. I felt like it was a day dedicated to reminding me that what I longed for was something I wasn't sure we would ever get. That may be a little dramatic, (Lisa dramatic...NO WAY) :) but when you are heartbroken everything seems to be exaggerated in your life.
 

 I remember the last Mother's Day before I got pregnant. I remember being down on my knees praying for God to take away my desire to be a mom. I remember saying to Josh that it seemed so cruel that my desire only grew each day, but our chances were only shrinking. Josh was always the one to remind that we believed in a loving God, and that we were not forgotten about. I can now say that I thank God for unanswered prayers! If I had lost my desire to be a mom, I would've stopped fighting for the greatest blessing imaginable.

People have said to me that I am a better mom because I struggled to have a baby. I am not sure I agree with that. I think a mother's love is unique to each child. I think the struggle has only caused me to love with a scarred heart. I love with a protection that is probably too strong sometimes. I love with a fear of loss that many people can not understand. I love without holding back because I am not sure I will get to do this again. I love with passion because I have been thinking about how I will do this for almost five years. I LOVE WITH NO REGRETS!

The last 9 1/2 months have been incredible. We have learned that our hearts are able to grow with each kiss and hug.We have let ourselves indulge, without shame, the extra cuddles before bed and naps in our arms. These last 9  1/2 months have not been long enough to forget where we came from. People ask me now how it feels to be on the other side of our fertility journey.  My response is always the same....I don't feel like I belong on either team anymore. We are not like everyone else because having another baby will not be a simple process (even though we pray we will be surprised).  We are also not like our friends and family who are still trying to conceive.  We are in the middle, and I think I am OK with this.  I don't want to forget the lessons we learned on this journey, but I also thank God every minute for the blessing we did receive.

Our journey to meeting you continues, Joseph...we get to meet you at the
door with your hands banging on the glass, we get to meet you on the swing when you giggle with each push, and we meet you on the floor when you get a little too brave and bonk yourself. We can't wait to continue to meet you wherever you are and wherever you need us to be!!  Joseph--you are truly the greatest joy in our lives and we pray to God to continue to protect you and guide us to be the parents you need us to be. 

That smile will brighten any day :)