We are having a......BABY :)

Well, our journey continues.  I think the realization that this whole thing might actually be real is starting to sink in.  Many times on this journey we prepared for the worst, and I have still struggled to break that habit.  We got to see the little one on Thursday during a scheduled sonogram.  It is amazing how much Baby B has grown.  Baby is measuring right on, and the heartbeat was 154.  I was prepared to be told something awful had happened, but all we heard were great things :) Our journey to meeting you is over another hurdle, and I am finally relaxing a little bit and enjoying this step in the process.  I made sure the sono lady knew that we, actually just I, didn't want to know the sex of the baby.  Josh and I made a deal...he gets to name the baby since I won't let him find out the sex.  I agreed, sort of :)

Something I had hoped would happen when I got pregnant was that I would finally feel like I belonged in conversations about babies, families, and pregnancies.  I am not sure why, but those conversations still make me uncomfortable.  I think about how many times I left the lunch table early because I had nothing to add to the conversation about kids, or how many times I would give Josh our secret signal and we would leave a party early because someone else announced a surprise pregnancy and it was difficult to hold back my tears.  Those are the emotions that I hoped I would forget, but somehow my body and mind have not let me. 

 I share all this because I think it is important for people to know that infertility is difficult in so many ways. I thank God every hour that he has blessed us with this miracle, but every time I look down and see my stomach growing, I think of the other women that are on their journeys and ask God to bless them. It is amazing how infertility can permanently scar you, but I try very hard for the infertility to not define us.  All of these feelings are why this journey has been so meaningful.

As my body continues to change, and my emotions rage out of control, I am trying to finish this journey with excitement.  My new approach will be to prepare for good news and not worry so much...at least that is what I will pray for patience for :)  Our family and friends have also shown their anticipation to meet Baby B, which again reinforces why we are so excited to bring a baby into our lives.  I have no doubt that our baby will be loved beyond belief, and that we will always have the support that we need to get through the bumps on this journey.  We continue to pray everyday for the strength to accept God's will and that our pregnancy continues to be healthy.

Are you sure?

I am the queen of asking...Are you sure? I thought it was funny to think back on all the times I have said those 3 words on this journey. The nurses and doctors that we have worked with have been phenomenal and I am so grateful that they have dealt with my craziness :) Thankfully our doctor is aware of everything we have been through and understands our need for constant reassurance (OK, maybe just my need sometimes) :)  I thank God that we found a great doctor and staff who are responsive to my nervous calls and always willing to answer my questions.

We had a doctor appointment on Thursday and everything was good. The doctor did not do a sonogram, even though I asked at least 5 times if he was sure we didn't need one.  He said that my pregnancy is "normal" now and he did not see a need at this appointment.  He did listen with the Doppler, and the baby's heartbeat was 159...which he said was great.  We go back in 3 weeks for a sonogram, and I guess we could find out the sex at that appointment, but we aren't. :)  I think I finally have Josh convinced that this will be a fun surprise and we don't need to find out.  Actually, I don't think he is convinced, but I think he realizes I may get the final say in this decision :)

I keep waiting for our luck to run out, but then I am reminded that its not luck that has gotten us this far. This journey has encouraged our relationship with God, and I know that it will only continue. Josh and I pray every night for the strength to accept God's will, and I know that we will accept whatever happens.  I can't say that I have let go of my consuming fears, but I think I am finally feeling a little more hopeful that this is actually happening. We continue to pray every night for everyone trying to conceive, and to help those feeling hopeless realize there is hope! Please continue to keep us in your prayers and we are thrilled to continue our journey to meeting our little one!